STOP LYING TO YOURSELF

STOP LYING TO YOURSELF

INTRODUCTION

Lying is definitely not a new revelation to you. It is a bad behavior that actually kills people on a daily basis. The most important person your lying is killing is YOU. Lying was born out of fears, disappointments, traumas, betrayals, and it is usually the result of what has happened to us. Of course, there are instances where you lie for seemingly “good” reasons, like to avoid pain, satisfy our psychological needs, remain confident in our personal abilities, and to feel better. Regrettably, these lies will continually push you to make unhealthy decisions.

People often use lies to avoid some realizations because they are frightened of how the realities will make them feel. They prefer to live with the long-term consequences of lying than face the short-term pains of the truth. A lie can destroy you, regardless of the size. Being honest with yourself and to people around you requires that you think and defuse any lasting negative energy.

This article talks about reasons why people lie to themselves, indicators that show you are lying to yourself, and a few things you can do to build resistance against a lie.

SIGNS THAT YOU ARE LYING TO YOURSELF

The difference between the truth and a lie can sometimes be very subtle. I may not be able to give you the best guide on ways to differentiate between the two (since I do not know your specific desires, motivations, and circumstances). But I can offer you some indicators that show you are lying to yourself, and tips to help you make optimal decisions. You lie to yourself when:

  • You make decisions that seem logically correct but feel off when you say it out
  • You struggle to fit yourself into a lifestyle that hurts
  • You refute your passions and fail to chase what motivates you, regardless of what it is
  • You search for distractions to escape the real issue
  • You make quick decisions from a stressed state of mind instead of a place of calamity and rationale.

REASONS WE STAY IN BAD RELATIONSHIPS

While every relationship has its challenges, not all relationships will end as you wish. Some relationships go through trials and hurdles, but still survive because they have all the basic requirements, which are respect, connectivity, and trust. There are obvious situations that may not favor long-lasting relationships. One person may feel they are not getting the needed attention while the other feels chocked up. People refuse to let go of bad relationships because they do not have that boldness to tell the other person that they do not have feelings for them anymore – particularly when they have done nothing wrong. But the connection is simply not there again. The moment a relationship reaches an unsalvageable point, the best thing is for the partners to face reality. But despite the ruthlessness, bad behaviors, and other obvious signs, why then do people find it hard to leave an unhealthy relationship? Here are just a few reasons to consider:

a) Low self-esteem – Someone who values their self-worth will not be afraid to speak up when they do not agree with how their partner treats them in their relationship. Conversely, someone who has low self-esteem may not be able to stand up for themselves in times of displeasure, and may even decide to stay in a bad relationship. If you remain in a bad relationship that has nothing to offer you, then ask yourself if you are putting a deserving value to yourself.

b) Fear of loneliness – The fear of being lonely can be demoralizing, and can make a person decide to stay in a bad relationship. This often happens when a partner believes their loneliness will not end. Someone who has been in the grasp of loneliness would not want to return back there, despite how inconsiderate or how abusive the relationship might be.

c) Hoping that one day a change will come – Statements like, “she will be more ambitious” or “he will learn to properly handle his anger” are a few reasons why people stay in bad relationships. While people can get better over time, it is definitely nothing to wait for at the expense of your happiness. People will only change if they really want to, and no other person can make it happen. If you keep telling yourself things will get better when obviously it will not, then you need to be sincere with yourself.

d) Fear of dealing with the truth – Sometimes it can be hard to admit that the relationship is not working. Out of fear of the unknown and if they are too ashamed to face the consequences of a breakup, a partner may decide to stay in a horrific relationship.

e) Failure and rejection – What if I get rejected by the next person? What if I could not find another person to be in a relationship with? Do I know what attitude the next person would have? All these questions make it harder for people to decide the fate of a messed up relationship. Some people cannot totally accept the fact that their relationship is on the brink of failure, and they keep trying so hard to mend the relationship. 

If you are tired of being in a bad relationship, it is time you take actionable steps to recover a happier life. Dealing with the truth about your relationship does not necessarily mean you have to break up. Conversely, being honest can lead you to a happier and healthier relationship. Furthermore, it often takes a skillful viewpoint to solve complicated issues. So get coaching. We all need professional help; even the most highly trained therapists visit others for assistance.

REASONS WE STAY AT JOBS FOR YEARS THAT WE DON’T LIKE OR THE JOB IS A DEAD END

It is not uncommon these days to hear people say, “My job is making me boring, “I do not like my job anymore”, “I hate my job but I hang onto it because it is secure”, or “my boss becoming terrible”. None of these is a logical argument. Research has shown an increase in job dissatisfaction, with unhappiness arising from a range of issues.

Most people understand deep down that it is unhealthy to stay at a job that makes them unhappy. Their mental wellbeing suffers, the self-esteem gets lower, and they risk being trapped in a negative cycle of events that are hard to break, yet most people do nothing about it. Except you are planning to retire in your current job and knows for sure that they will retain you until retirement, the longer you stay at the job the worse you will be.

There are countless reasons people give for staying at jobs that they do not like. Here are just a few:

  • The lack of confidence to apply again for an interview
  • The fear of uncertainty at the thought of leaving the job for the unknown
  • The thought of earning less elsewhere or having a less exciting job title
  • Lack of updated and extended skills
  • I prefer to keep my displeasing job because of my kids
  • It’s not really that bad working here and I think I can manage
  • I have prestige, title, and connections already
  • I do not know what else I would do other than this job etc.

If you are familiar with any of the reasons above, then you need to face the reality. The longer you avoid the truth, the more destruction you are causing yourself. Take a deep breath and be sincere with yourself. You deserve happiness in your professional life. You can talk to a recruitment consultant to discuss possible options available to you, even if you have been in your present job for years.

REASON WHY IT IS HARD TO LOSE WEIGHT

Losing weight is absolutely a challenging and daunting process to go through because it needs a lot of sacrifices and certainly, hard work. You might claim that you have followed all the required procedures and guidelines – eat healthy foods, lower your food intake, and yet failed miserably. If you are one of those who are wondering why it is hard to lose weight, perhaps what you are doing is not right or you are simply not doing it with all seriousness.

Do not deceive yourself or be deceived that the mere taking of supplements, massages, rollers, low-fat foods, shakers, and other crazy tricks will melt away your excess weight in a flash. We regularly read and hear that the concept of weight loss is to burn more calories than you eat. This can easily be achieved by adding some form of physical exercise and making a few changes to our diet. If it is that simple and easy, why are people not achieving easy weight loss? 

While exercising and controlling your diet can help to lose weight, they are definitely not the only reasons why you cannot lose excess weight. The truth is if you have been on a program for a few months and you have not seen any changes, then obviously there is something wrong somewhere. It might actually not be about the weight loss program, but your lack of focus and determination. Let me also clear one myth about solutions to thigh fat. It may shock you to know that you cannot lose fat in an isolated part of your body. To lose thigh fat, for instance, you will have to change your entire body. When you work to reduce the proportion of fat in your body, your thighs will definitely respond quickly.

To succeed in your weight loss journey is in your hands. You have to: 

  • Develop an achievable plan
  • Keep a diary to check what you eat and spot any mistakes you are making
  • Engage in regular physical exercises
  • Substitute high-calorie food for low-calorie options.

The most important thing is not to give up. Because you are yet to succeed does not mean that you will not succeed in the future. Of course, having a goal might sound boring, but it essentially gives you the focus to successfully achieve your weight loss goal. Make yourself an unbreakable promise that you will succeed and then just go for it no matter what obstacles come up. What this means is that it has to be realistic. If you start by being overambitious, you will soon get tired of not being able to reach your goal. Your goal must also be simple, relevant, and time-related. Remember that goals do not have to be rigid; you can change your goals if you feel they are not right. Do not labor on with an impossible goal. Change it if you have to.

REASONS WE DO NOT WANT TO DEAL WITH THE TRUTH BECAUSE WE WANT FEEL -GOOD STORIES

Shying away from the truth can be your worst enemy. We often use feel-good stories or phrases like, “I have been trying very hard recently” or “I am doing well with the little time I have available”. These statements prevent you from self-awareness and are usually excuses that make you feel better for not making reasonable progress about a goal. Emotions are important, but when you use feel-good declarations to track your progress in life, you end up lying to yourself about what you are actually doing. A few reasons people do not want to deal with the truth are:

  • It may shatter everything they have ever believed about who they thought they were
  • The truth never agrees with people’s expectations and how they perceive it to be.
  • It will uncover some aspects of their lives that may cause terrific discomfort
  • They are afraid to make hard choices, which may feel risky to their ego.
  • It forces them to take responsibility for their actions and yet they would rather play victims.
  • They understand deep down that knowing the truth will possibly create a permanent positive change. They are resistant as these changes will take them out of their comfort zone.
  • Difficulty in letting go, and a scary feeling since they do not know what is waiting on the other side

If you are really serious about becoming better in your daily activities, you need to first understand where you stand. Not wanting to deal with the truth may seem beneficial, but it is the more difficult path that keeps people from experiencing genuine love, joy, growth, and fulfillment. It causes you to change what you think and believe about yourself. Remember that if you are not conscious of what you are doing, it will be very hard to change your life with a degree of consistency. You cannot expect to hit your target if you are unsure where the target is located.

HOW DO I STOP LYING TO MYSELF

The steps below will generally help you to stop lying to yourself. 

  • Make a decision to stop lying to yourself
  • Be courageous enough to make a definitive decision and pursue it even if it is scary.
  • Forgiving yourself for hurting yourself for so long.
  • Do not worry about the future you cannot control
  • Do not attempt to validate or justify dishonesty
  • Stop yourself from being judgmental
  • Surround yourself with optimistic people
  • Focus on what you think is most important, and do associate with people that share your values 
  • Take responsibility for whatever has happened, what is currently happening, and what is going to happen.
  • Learn to use daily affirmations in a way that will benefit your life. It is simply the process of telling yourself something repeatedly until it becomes part of you, and you actually believe what you are saying. To make the affirmations work, you have to stop lying to yourself. You tell yourself something repeatedly until it becomes natural to think and act a certain way.

SUMMARY

Do you want to make your life better or keep lying to yourself? Then you need to stop thinking other people’s thoughts, stop living other people’s lives, and stop using someone else’s success to measure your achievements. It will only lead to confusion, anger, and envy. Nobody cares about your dreams, well-being, success, goals, and values as much as you do, which is why the first shift you need to make in your career and life is to function from a position of purpose and clarity. Stop thinking you are not good enough. Learn to accept your mistakes. Be honest with yourself (and to others), even if that is the only thing you can do for yourself. While honesty will encourage you to tell yourself the truth in all situations, lying will continue to cause you unthinkable future pain. So the choice is yours alone.Thanks for being a valued reader. To keep educating yourself, do not hesitate to visit the online bookstore at www.loyaldetermined.com. You can forward any questions or comments to 2288 Gunbarrel Rd, Suite #154/388, Chattanooga, TN 37421

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