You meet this person when you are out or even online. There’s a mutual attraction and you start talking. You’re really keen on him or her and you just can’t get the person out of your mind. It all starts off well enough but after a period of time the sparks between you seems to die. Before you know it he or she’s not as enthusiastic as before and you wonder why. That is “SCARCITY” in action.
What Is Scarcity?
For the purpose of this discussion we shall adopt the following definition of Scarcity to wit:
According to Dictionary.com scarcity is defined as:
1. insufficiency or shortness of supply; dearth.
2. rarity; infrequency.
The Cambridge Dictionary construed Scarcity to mean: “a situation in which something is not easy to find or get.”
More so “scarcity” is an economic term which holds that “a limited supply of goods, coupled with a high demand for that goods results in a mismatch between the desired supply and demand equilibrium.” Theoretically when there’s less of something available it creates a greater demand for that something. When it comes to relationships that something or goods can translate to love, affection or sex.
The Scarcity Principle was coined by Robert Cialdini one of the foremost experts on influence (Cialdini 2009). He found that people value and desire something more when it is rare or difficult to obtain. From numerous experiments Cialdini and others have found that making something rare or scarce (“Closing Down, Last Day”) or even unique, (“Last One”) increases its perceived attractiveness and value. It works on the principle of Reactance. None of us likes to be told we can’t do something or be denied what we want. When we’re denied something we “React” by trying harder to get what has been denied us. This is reverse psychology but it has been the subject of a lot of research. The research showed that when it comes to dating at least Scarcity is VERY POWERFUL.
So What Does This Mean In A Relationship?
Don’t make yourself 100% available. Replying to her or his text messages immediately every time you received one is actually sending the wrong message. Doing so makes attraction towards you diminish which can turn the person off in the process.
The key is not to act too desperate. Yes we’re all needy but that doesn’t mean you have to show it. Appearing too needy can make the other party panic and or back away; it’s too much pressure and this can turn them off. The best thing to do is get busy with your own life. Train for a marathon, turn a passion project into a side career, spend more time with your friends or even do some traveling on your own. Before long he/she’ll be the one feeling needy and desperate for your attention.
If you don’t have a purpose in life except for getting a lover and you’re always too available then it would appear that you are a weak, low-valued individual. This will make you unattractive to the opposite sex and will make the individual look elsewhere for a stronger and much scarcer potential partner.
Practical Effect Of Scarcity In A Relationship
Re-programming your mind into using reverse psychology or counter-intuition will take a while. But it is necessary that you do this. If you change from being too available to being scarce it will produce results. This is backed up by science and real-life experiments. Often it produces completely amazing results in re-attracting the opposite sex within a very small time frame.
If you find that you’ve consistently being devalued by the opposite sex in relationships you will need to make yourself harder to obtain. Make yourself scarce at times! Too busy to reply? Then don’t reply for a while. Don’t always be the one to get in contact first and don’t always message back immediately. If you’re constantly waiting by the phone for a message stop, don’t hand the opposite-sex all the power. Before you message back wait twenty minutes, one hour or a couple of hours. Build attraction using scarcity.
Tips To Build Attraction Using Scarcity
You’ll need to execute this in a subtle way. Don’t fall off the face of the earth for several days at a time. This isn’t respectful and it isn’t treating the other party well. You should return a message or call within a six hour window. Anything more than this is completely unacceptable. Don’t willfully play with the other party’s emotions or be cruel with this new found information. Allow yourself to become aware of how your behaviour impacts on his or her attraction towards you.
Don’t send boring or pointless texts; only actually text when you have something interesting to say. If you use texts to make pointless small talk that would create an impression that you are a boring person.
Are you always thinking of something cool to text him or her? If you build attraction using scarcity you’ll need a lot less material! You’ll get a lot of precious time back in your days too – winner!
Do you want to know the easiest way to not be waiting by the phone? It is to get out there and find a purpose. Immerse yourself into a project and feel fulfilled. You won’t be waiting by the phone for a message as you’ll be busy and time will fly. The other party will also have time to miss you and wonder what you’re up to which will spark attraction. Build attraction using scarcity.
Eliminate Perceived Scarcity
Many people advocate not dating when you feel desperate. Unfortunately that leads to greater scarcity. Instead research suggests eliminating perceived scarcity by dating more. That doesn’t mean skipping monogamy. However if you are interested in someone schedule multiple dates right off the bat so you can relax knowing you will see the person again. If you engage in online dating wait until you find more than one person you’re interested in messaging before sending anything. Avoid situations early on that lead to a belief that there is only one person and this is your one chance.
What This Means For Your Love Life
Scarcity can have a big influence on your perception of the attractiveness and worth of someone else. So if you are chasing someone you might want to stop and ask yourself why. Do you have something tangible and real to base your attraction on? Or is that “amazing connection” just an illusion you have created because they are making you chase them and react?
Also if you find others are “bored” with you or devalue you, you might want to be a little harder to obtain yourself. Don’t give in so easily. Make them work a bit for it. Make yourself scarce. You might be surprised what it does to their perceptions! Besides, turn-about is fair play…
At the start of a relationship what we want to give our partners is our utmost attention. We heighten our presence by being too available and accessible for them. From the early start of an affair to after a couple of months or years as lovers we flood them with our presence. Believing that giving them our utmost attention and being with them most of the time augments those strong emotions they felt at the early stage of the relationship. And what we forget is that too much presence sometimes creates the opposite effect; it diminishes the excitement, the mystery and the strong feelings lovers have for each other.
When you’re easy to get or you don’t allow for a pursuit at all there’s very little thrill for the would be pursuer. If you’re always available or accessible spending time with you has little value because it’s something that can be acquired on demand.
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