You meet this person when you are out, or even online. There’s a mutual attraction and you start talking. You’re really keen on him or her and you just can’t get the person out of your mind. It all starts off well enough, but after a period of time, the spark between you seems to die. Before you know it, he or she’s not as enthusiastic as before and you wonder why. That is “SCARCITY” in action.
What is Scarcity?
For the purpose of this discussion, we shall adopt the following definition of Scarcity to wit:
According to Dictionary.com, scarcity is defined as:
1. insufficiency or shortness of supply; dearth.
2. rarity; infrequency.
The Cambridge Dictionary construed Scarcity to mean: “a situation in which something is not easy to find or get”
More so, “scarcity” is an economic term which holds that “a limited supply of a good, coupled with a high demand for that good, results in a mismatch between the desired supply and demand equilibrium.” Theoretically, when there’s less of something available, it creates a greater demand for that something. When it comes to relationships, that can translate to love, affection, or sex.
The Scarcity Principle was coined by Robert Cialdini, one of the foremost experts on influence (Cialdini 2009). He found that people value and desire something more when it is rare or difficult to obtain. Across numerous experiments, Cialdini and others have found that making something rare or scarce (“Closing Down, Last Day”), or even unique, (“Last One”), increases its perceived attractiveness and value. It works on the principle of Reactance. None of us likes to be told we can’t do something or be denied what we want. When we’re denied something, we “React” by trying harder to get what has been denied us. This is reverse psychology, but it has been the subject of a lot of research. The research shows that, when it comes to dating at least, Scarcity is VERY POWERFUL.
So what does this mean in a relationship?
Don’t make yourself 100% available. Replying to her or his text messages immediately every time you received one from him or her, is actually sending the wrong message. This makes attraction towards you diminish, which can turn the person off in the process.
The key is not to act too desperate. Yes, we’re all needy – but that doesn’t mean you have to show it. Appearing too needy can make the other party panic and back away; it’s too much pressure and turns them off. The best thing to do is get busy with your own life. Train for a marathon, turn a passion project into a side career, spend more time with your friends – or even do some traveling on your own. Before long, he’ll be the one feeling needy and desperate for your attention
If you don’t have a purpose in life, except for getting a lover, and you’re always too available, then it would appear that you are a weak, low-value individual. This will make you unattractive to the opposite sex and will make such party look elsewhere for a stronger and much scarce one.
Practical effect of scarcity in a relationship:
Re-programming your mind into using reverse psychology or counter-intuition will take a while. But it is necessary that you do this. If you change from being too available to be more scarce, it will produce results. This is backed up by science and real-life experiments. Often it produces completely amazing results in re-attracting the opposite-sex in a very small timeframe.
If you find that you’ve consistently been devalued by the opposite-sex in relationships, you will need to make yourself harder to obtain. Make yourself scarce at times! Too busy to reply? Then don’t reply for a while. Don’t always be the one to get in contact first and don’t always message back immediately. If you’re constantly waiting by the phone for message, stop – don’t hand opposite-sex all the power. Before you message back, wait 20 minutes, 1 hour, or a couple of hours. Build attraction using scarcity.
Tips to build attraction using scarcity:
You’ll need to carry out this in a subtle way. Don’t fall off the face of the earth for whole days at a time. This isn’t respectful and isn’t treating the other party well. You should return a message or call within a 6-hour window. Anything more than this is completely unnecessary. Don’t willfully play with other party’s emotions, or be cruel with your new-found information. Just allow yourself to become aware of how your behaviour impacts on his or her attraction towards you.
Don’t send boring or pointless texts: Only actually text when you have something interesting to say”. If you try to use texts to make pointless small talk, that would create an impression that you are bored person.
Are you always thinking of something cool to text him or her? If you build attraction using scarcity, you’ll need a lot less material! You’ll get a lot of precious time back in your days too – winner!
Do you want to know the easiest way to not be waiting by the phone? It is to get out there and find a purpose. Immerse yourself into a project and feel fulfilled. You won’t be waiting by the phone for a message, as you’ll be busy and time will fly by. The other party will also have time to miss you and wonder what you’re up to, which will spike attraction. Build attraction using scarcity.
Eliminate perceived scarcity:
Many people advocate not dating when you feel desperate. Unfortunately, that leads to greater scarcity. Instead, research suggests eliminating perceived scarcity by dating more. That doesn’t mean skipping monogamy. However, if you are interested in someone, schedule multiple dates right off the bat so you can relax knowing you will see the person again. If you are online dating, wait until you find more than one person you’re interested in messaging before sending anything. Avoid situations early on that lead to a belief that there is only one person and this is your one chance.
What This Means for Your Love Life
Scarcity can have a big influence on your perception of the attractiveness and worth of someone else. So, if you are chasing someone, you might want to stop and ask yourself why. Do you have something tangible and real to base your attraction on? Or, is that “amazing connection” just an illusion you have created because they are making you chase them and react?
Also, if you find others are “bored” with you or devalue you, you might want to be a little harder to obtain yourself. Don’t give in so easily. Make them work a bit for it. Make yourself scarce. You might be surprised what it does to their perceptions! Besides, turn-about is fair play…
At the start of a relationship, what we want to give our partners is our utmost attention. We heighten our presence by being too available and accessible for them. From the early start of an affair to after a couple of months or years as lovers, we flood them with our presence. Believing that giving them our utmost attention and being with them most of the time augments those strong emotions they felt at the early stage of the relationship. And what we forget is that too much presence sometimes creates the opposite effect: it diminishes the excitement, the mystery and the strong feelings lovers have for each other.
When you’re easy to get or you don’t allow a pursuit at all, there’s very little thrill for the would-be pursuer. If you’re always available or accessible, spending time with you has little value because it’s something that can be acquired on demand.
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