Every relationship has an initial phase where things are exciting. It would seem like there would not be any challenges and that falling in love is the best thing to happen. Several quotes and online write-ups had repeatedly proven that relationships might last much longer if people put the same amount of effort into sustaining it as they did when they started it. But ask any couple that has been together for a significant amount of time. They will tell you that all of that giddiness feel tends to fade and, in its place, comes a sort of comfortable complacency.
As a relationship grows, it is easy to become complacent. You feel so satisfied and secure that your relationship is healthy and functioning. You assume that you already know how your partner feels, how they think, react, and that they will always be there, no matter what happens. It is not because you didn’t like them, but you have this emotional feeling that you are safe. The problem, however, is that you no longer put in the effort you were giving before. You may discover that you don’t help out or complement your partner the way you used to. Once you start acting as though those details do not matter anymore, many things in the relationship change.
Complacency in a relationship can be a long, slow process into resentment, and you may never see it happening. It provides no incentive for change, allows you to assume that all is well, and blinds you to the fact that a change in attitude toward the relationship is needed to keep it alive and healthy. However, you forget that assumptions in a relationship will often lead to misinterpretation of a partner’s feelings, words, actions, and point of view on issues. When you begin to assume how a partner will feel or react towards something said or done, you allow your assumptions to dictate how you respond and treat each other, and you often miss the warning signs that things are not going well within the relationship.
Complacency Vs. Comfort
Many people have confused complacency with comfort feeling. While the latter is the ease and the serenity you share with your partner in a relationship, the former lacks it. Being comfortable means you and your partner are okay with individual’s behavior and hold no unrealistic expectations or hidden desires. With complacency, however, you are both okay only on the face. But deep down, you are not happy, which in turn hurts the relationship.
DANGERS OF COMPLACENCY IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP
Complacency in a relationship is a death trap and affects many relationships these days. Unfortunately, the warning signs are all there only that we may not pay close attention to it. So, here are a few ways complacency can kill your relationship.
1. Worthless feeling
Relationships are not always about a box of chocolates, greetings, and roses. However, ignoring these can leave your partner feeling undervalued, unloved, and neglected. Couples often become too content in their relationships, which leads to boredom and taking their partners for granted. It only gets worse if one of the partners suffers from low self-esteem. It can further aggravate the relationship.
2. Daily routines take the center page
Partners who were once madly in love can become victims daily to routine. Our daily priorities can easily lead us to forget that every human being deserves to feel loved, wanted, and appreciated. You begin to notice that though there is a conversation, it is without any feelings or emotions.
3. You no longer care about your appearance
You need not apply aftershave every time you are in front of the mirror. It would almost certainly be excessive. You should, however, shower and brush your teeth regularly. Yes, your partner may love you regardless, but don’t make her think otherwise about you.
4. A disconnect between how you feel and your emotions
You may be doing everything right in your relationship, but deep down, you feel stuck; loneliness is killing you on the inside, and no one seems to notice or understand this. Worst of all, you have no idea about what is wrong with this seemingly perfect relationship.
5. Taking each other for granted
You may not see your partner as your confidant anymore and begin to take each other for granted, not bothering to appreciate even a small favor. While one of you may fail to accept that something is wrong with your relationship, the other partner slowly drifts apart due to boredom.
6. You feel least important
Whatever type of relationship you’re in – whether long-term or friends with benefits – once the passion fades, there would be a problem. You may notice that spending time with your partner falls to the bottom of your priority list. And ultimately, you or your partner may begin to experience feelings of isolation, boredom, and neglect.
7. More fights than calm moments
In any relationship, there will be a fight at some point. But when it becomes much more than the happy and calm moments, you know something is wrong. The frustration of one partner and the carelessness of the other frequently leads to a slew of needless conflicts, which can complicate any relationship.
8. Going on dates no longer seems necessary
Going on dates is still necessary, believe it or not. Dating is what brought you together as a couple and helped you establish the comfort and connection you now enjoy. Just because you’ve been in the relationship for a while doesn’t imply you should give up. People evolve and develop with time. You will grow apart if you do not spend enough time together enjoying each other’s company.
By recognizing and understanding the points above, you can make your relationship work and reach your potential for happiness. With that in mind, how can you keep your relationship from becoming complacent?
HOW TO AVOID COMPLACENCY IN RELATIONSHIPS
Now that you know what complacency in a relationship is and its adverse effects, the next thing is to learn how we can avoid it in our relationships. The following simple ways will help to avoid complacency in your relationship.
1. Be Adventurous
There are so many ways to keep a relationship interesting! One of these ways is to be adventurous and explore new things together where possible. It might be anything from going camping together to taking up a cooking class or participating in a skydiving adventure. What matters is that you’re “doing it together.” Adding diversity and spices to your relationship (both inside and outside your home) will help keep the fire burning for the long haul.
2. Make time for one another
Morning rituals, workdays, after-school activities, bedtime routines, and other daily activities can leave any relationship fatigued at the end of the day. Create time for one another before you and your sleep every day. Make night dates a priority, engage in small routines with your partner, and remember to visibly express how you feel, even if it is with a kiss.
3. Occasionally change your routine with your partner
Maintaining a schedule is crucial. But if you don’t change it up occasionally, you may begin to bore your partner. Likewise, it will quickly deplete the excitement in your relationship. I’ve learned that maintaining a feeling of adventure in your relationship can help to make it exciting at an all-time high.
I started with making tiny adjustments to my routine, such as going to new restaurants on our date nights. Cooking for my partner was another minor shift I made. Usually, she does most of the cooking, but I wanted to relieve her of some burdens. Changing your routine, whether it’s your intimate time with your partner or anything in your daily life that you may do when you come home from work, can be good for the relationship.
4. Never Stop Laughing
Laughing with someone you care about is one of life’s greatest pleasures. I am talking about the kind of laughter that puts tears in the eyes and belly-grabbing. Laughter is not only enjoyable, but it also offers numerous health advantages. It can help relax tension, alleviate stress, and possibly provide long-term health benefits such as relieving pain and boosting your immune systems. Whether it’s watching a humorous movie or filming a silly video, grab your partner and laugh it up. It will liven things up, deepen your relationship, and help you build great moments that will last a lifetime.
5. Set relationship goals with your partner
Having relationship goals is equally as vital as setting career or financial goals. For a relationship to be loving, exciting, and fulfilling, people involved should set clear goals around what they desire out of their relationship. Many individuals enter relationships with only a hazy idea of what they want from them, and that’s where the majority of the problems begin. Without a clear understanding of where you’re going, you’ll eventually become bored and complacent with each other.
I’ve experienced this in my previous relationships, and I don’t want that feeling of sadness on anyone. A way to avoid becoming too comfortable and complacent is to set relationship goals with your partner. Sit and review it every week or every month. Check previous goals you have attained and set new goals to keep moving forward and growing.
Nothing is more enjoyable and satisfying to your relationship than accomplishing goals together with your partner.
6. Take Time to Appreciate Your Partner
It’s easy to fall into the habit of failing to tell your partner how much you love and appreciate each other after you’ve been together for a time. Make an effort to express your gratitude to your partner. You can leave notes in surprising places, buy them small gifts, compose a song for them – be creative with your love and dedication!
7. Never stop learning how to be better
To keep your relationship strong, you must learn to be better to your partner. I’ve discovered the value of continuing to learn new ways to delight your partner in whatever way imaginable. Making my partner happy is something I strive for all of the time.
There is always room for improvement in any relationship, and sitting down with your spouse once a week is an excellent place to start. In my experience, learning new ways to be a better person to my partner has kept complacency at bay in our relationship.
You have to nurture your relationship for it to grow. If you are not paying attention, complacency will sneak into your relationship and quickly ruin all the time and effort you have put in.
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